I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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