I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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