Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
