what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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