Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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