Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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