already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize