my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
