New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
