I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish you could order shots online.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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