Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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