i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Holy shit dude........stairs
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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