its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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