No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
