I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you didnt know i had herpes?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
