Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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