God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
