He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
