Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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