I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
