Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
