Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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