Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize