you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
