WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
