I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
