I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
