My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
