In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
