i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
