last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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