It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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