No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
