You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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