got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
