it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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