I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
