Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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