is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
