dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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