i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
