Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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