Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i dont even know how to be here
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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