have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
