don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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