Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Rumble strips road head = magical
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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