Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
