I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
