just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
