you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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