Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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