"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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