my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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