New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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