batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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