I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
