On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize